Desiree Jacob

This site is a tribute to the TWO amazing women in my life - my mom and my birthmom!!

My beliefs:

Adoption is a fundamental, life-altering event similar to a life sentence.  No matter how well we accept and adjust or how successful we are, we are still adopted people and will always have to wrestle with the loss and trauma of adoption.  The triggers never really go away and neither do the effect of post adoption trauma. There are lots of losses in adoption, however, they are extremely difficult to mourn in a society where adoption is seen as a problem-solving event filled with joy.  Honestly, why would anyone want to face reality when the "story book" version of adoption (the chosen one), and what it means to all those involved, is so pretty, and, oh so much easier to deal with?

I personally have had a reasonably good experience with adoption but whatever reasons my birthmother had for placing me, no matter how much I was loved by my adoptive family, no matter how over the years I rationalize it all, understand it all, sympathize and empathize with them all, absolutely nothing can take away the core pain one feels about being an adoptee.

Obviously, as an adoptee I spend a lot of time thinking about adoption issues from the adoptee perspective but I'm trying to learn more about all sides of the triad (birthparents, adoptive parents, and adoptees).

For many adopted persons and the other members of the triad, reading about the experiences of others can be a helpful coping mechanism. Knowing that there are others who have gone through similar experiences can provide reassurance that these feelings and experiences are normal.

Adoption is just so much more intricate and complicated than anyone can imagine unless you wear the same shoes.  It may look beautiful from the outside but those who never live it will never know it's true harsh reality.

Desiree